


The Tale of Edwin, the Great and All-Powerful Archmage! Or, a Story about Loving One's Self

by DizzIzzi



Series: The Tale of Amyr the Bard! (And Friends, don't forget Friends) [2]
Category: Baldur's Gate, Baldur's Gate 2 Enhanced Edition - Fandom, Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types, Forgotten Realms
Genre: Amn (Forgotten Realms), Angst, Canon Trans Character, Comedy, Comedy of Errors, Developing Friendships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Fluff, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, Genderbending, Is there any other with Edwin?, Light-Hearted, Other, Queer Themes, Trans Female Character, Transformation, Useless Lesbians, You know what time it is...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:28:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23415304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DizzIzzi/pseuds/DizzIzzi
Summary: This is a story about a wizard, Edwin (that's "Great and All-Powerful Edwin," thank you!) who's, really, not a very nice man (how DARE you! I can be generous sometimes!).  However, one day he gets a chance to start over, a kind of "reset button" if you will (bah!  What happened to me was no "reset button," it was a spell!  I did not travel back in time, you simian!), and herein lies at least snippets of the important bits of that journey.(I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW EVERY BIT OF MY LIFE IS IMPORTANT!  I, EDWIN ODESSEIRON, THE MOST GREAT AND ALL-POWERFUL OF ALL THE RED WIZARDS, LIVE A VERY IMPORTANT AND ACTION PACKED LIFE!)*grumble grumble*
Relationships: ???, Female Charname/Viconia DeVir, Honestly haven't thought that far ahead yet..., Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, maybe
Series: The Tale of Amyr the Bard! (And Friends, don't forget Friends) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1684309
Comments: 31
Kudos: 3





	1. An Unplanned Pairing

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya all!
> 
> For those of you who didn't quite understand the summary, buckle up, because here we go!
> 
> This work is a side story to its main series, "The Tale of Amyr the Bard! Or, a Love Story of Unusual Lovers" starting during Baldur's Gate 2: Shadows of Amn and will probably venture into Throne of Bhaal as well.  
> I love how BioWare does evil characters, most of the time they're so laughably horrible you can actually kind of feel for them, in a way, although for major antagonists they really like to go for the gut punch. This... is the "laughably horrible" kind of evil. Edwin is a character I love to make fun of, the kind of character who I laugh at his discomfort not only because it is comedically timed by his writers, but because the character is made to really deserve all the annoying things that happen to him. This work, while still being that, is more of a "redemption arc" I guess... sort of?  
> BioWare, back when they originally made Shadows of Amn, were not necessarily well-informed about queer issues such as transgender/gender non-conforming individuals, and a certain companion quest for a certain Red Wizard that may or may not take center stage here, was kinda just "whoops I'm a girl now!" jokes. I'm making my attempt at reinterpreting that into something better.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What's more to say  
> when a hook-up goes bad?"
> 
> -someone much smarter than me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're off to the races lovelies!
> 
> Not much else to say, enjoy!

Edwin was not pleased—in fact, one could say he was furious. Months of planning, weeks of preparation, days of beady sweat, hours of trembling fingers and for what? For the blasted Bhaalspawn to come in and ruin _everything!_ He didn’t know what was worse, that she so effortlessly derailed his every contingency with a smile or that she didn’t even remember him?! 

“ _The gall, the nerve of the woman! To think she would feign ignorance of I, the great Edwin Odesseiron, it is so impossible as to be unbelievable!”_

The vain man gnawed on his lip, worried it with practiced efficiency as the muffled yells and cries came up through the floorboards; he secretly prayed that the Bhaalspawn and her fools would spare him, maybe even aid him in his quest for greatness. The screams grew quieter as the cadre of murderers descended deeper into the stronghold. Maybe she would treat him like he deserved, with reverence… 

Silence. The unmoving stillness clawed at his fragile existence—already so propped up on fantasies and lack of knowledge that even the slightest breath could break him utterly—and Edwin’s breathing came faster and faster and faster, the world spun before his eyes as Toril's mysteries reminded him they _knew_. When Amyr stomped up the stairs covered in drying blood he nearly leapt from his slippers to be carried down to his reserved seat in the Nine Hells. Her eyes laughed at him, even if her lips only quivered once, and he despised her for it, despised himself for needing her help and protection. Her hooded companions, one short and willowy while the other taller and stockier, flanked the young yet well-worn bard; it was as if she was so comfortable with the two that she didn’t even notice their presence.

“I take it what we discussed went… satisfactorily? (It better have, I will not be made a fool again by these simpletons)”

“If you mean ‘their guts have redecorated the entire building except this floor?’ Then yes, yes it does.” She sounded bored, put out, done in the worst way even

“Then that means y-you would be amenable to serving as my” Edwin’s words tried to strangle him in his throat “accomplices? I have a further endeavor, one that would prove lucrative to us both! (Keep it together, Edwin, she will be easily won over…)” The smile across her haggard features is utterly mirthless

“Sure, why not, we need the coin and I might as well have the powers of the ‘great and powerful Edwin Odesseiron’ at hand, should I need them…” The sickly, sticky sarcasm flew right over the bald man’s head.

“(It is ‘great and all-powerful,’ get it right, simian!)”

All Amyr did in response was to beckon the red-robed mage to follow her and the two shady figures; suddenly it occurred to Edwin that the hidden faces might not be all that friendly—he silently swore blue the shorter one was sneering at him. His slippered feet began to stall out and, as if sensing this, both figures lowered their hoods. One he knew from the horrid expedition to Dragonspear; “Viconia the Drow whore” as he thought of her, seemed to be only kept around for her body now, for Edwin sensed no spark of divinity on her lips or in her fingertips. The second one, a human male with the kind of face only a bare-knuckle boxer could love and a smile to match, was completely unknown to the Red Wizard—although the glint of coin in his eyes was achingly familiar. Edwin smiled with the glee of knowing he could work with what his new “partner” had given him.

  
  


Edwin was not smiling when he arrived back at Amyr’s base of operations. The fact that his parched lip was now bleeding was only one of the many problems making his evening horrible. The big, very angry bald man was the cause—upon seeing the Thayan enter the bar, Minsc literally lost it, throwing tables, chairs and even people in his quest for vengeance, Aerie had to jump on his back to keep the man from beating Edwin into red pancake batter. Sporting a black eye, multiple scars that probably wouldn’t heal, a broken rib and internal bleeding, Edwin Odesseiron came the closest to death he had ever been—it scared and perversely excited him in a way he was not willing to admit, ever, to anyone. What really stopped him from smiling was the room, it was laughing at him in the rudest manner once the burly oaf had been subdued—he didn’t know it, but even Amyr had joined in on the mocking.

As the prick of a ‘paladin’ poured his energies into healing him, Edwin tried to look debonair while also being trussed up between two chairs.

“Now, I must stress that this job is of the utmost-”

Amyr put up a hand before any more could be said “There’s something I have to take care of first that requires your unique skill-set. It’ll be quick, no more than a day; that’ll work for you, right? We leave tomorrow once you’re right as rain, there’s a room paid through the night just for you to convalesce in.” 

Even with the question, the caramel-skinned woman brooked no discussion, she so clearly asserted her dominance over her adventuring party that even Edwin noticed. After a moment of pitiful whining and not-so-silent cursing when the rib reset, Edwin glared fireballs at the woman he had ostensibly hired for a job. “Fine… (This better be good, simpleton, because my patience is already-OUCH!)” Amyr had taken her comedic time before smacking him on the back, joviality dripping from her voice

“Good! Because I don’t have enough firepower to deal with the castle’s troll infestation on my own.”

Edwin blacked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Boo was not happy that I did not slay that evil man! Aerie had to placate him with not one, not two, but many sweets! I could scarcely believe the carnage.)


	2. An Unplanned Wetness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Here we..."
> 
> -Wait for it...

In this small, small corner of the world sits a city, and in that bustling city sits a tavern called the Copper Coronet. If one were to zoom in on that busy bustle they would find the raucous tavern housed a shouting man very much unlike those around him. If someone were to ask Edwin how he was doing in that moment, the man would probably have immolated them on the spot.

“Months! Months! Does your furry brain even  _ comprehend  _ how long I was forced to sit on my hands?! And now this…”

The “this” in question was a scroll and, although currently tightly—if roughly—bound, its glaring problem had already made itself known to the apoplectic wizard. “What is it now Edwin?” Even by the tone of the woman’s voice, Edwin knew that his hired hands could not possibly comprehend the magnitude of his ruination

“A spot! Did you not see it when you opened the scroll, heathen?! Did you not paw at it with your greedy hands knowing that this spell of unlimited power was now  _ useless _ ?! Pigs, the lot of you!”

“Really?” The petite bard raised an eyebrow under her hood, “Because you were there when we found it and the whole place was drier than your bones and you know it.”

Edwin didn’t lower his volume to that of the bard’s “What are you, some dullard?!? How can you not know that bones are constantly wet! If you are really as astute as you claim then that just proves your incompetency in preserving my Scroll!”

“Right, fine, I’m a dullard then.” Amyr rolled her eyes. “So why not do the smart thing and go to an artificer and get it fixed. There’s at least two in Wuakeen’s Promenade who would meet your standards of excellence.” Let it never be said that Amyr, ex-Hero of Baldur’s Gate, lacked a curious disposition, even if she didn’t particularly care for the way she had to satisfy it right then.

“And have someone steal my work? I think not!”

To him, the world had effectively ended, alongside any plans for domination and conquest Edwin had slobbered over in his dreams. One poorly dropped droplet had been all it had taken to rob him of his assumed destiny—the best part was that the words through the stain were mostly legible if held up to a light. The tomb in which the accursed Scroll had been discarded in had been the sandiest thing this side of the Calim desert and was old enough to be Elminster’s mother if certain rumors were to be believed, the odds of some random droplet hitting the inside of a bound scroll recently was improbable at best. Some part of Amyr showed the desires rolling around inside her head: curiocity, frustration, the desire to punch the wizard for knowingly leading them into a vampire-infested tomb complex without warning them first, the general feeling of annoyance whenever Edwin was around for more than five seconds... Not that the Red Wizard could get more than a vague impression off of her rather obvious features, nor would he have noticed, considering his present state of mind.

Viconia brought Amyr a drink and sat down beside the bard, _ “Obviously the drow wench had wormed her treacherous way into this foolish girl’s heart and is using her for her own purposes, wonderful.”  _ Edwin didn’t really care, however, a fellow schemer was free to play with his toys so long as he made off with what he wanted in the end. Viconia had a snide smile on her face, mostly from watching Edwin shout to the world that he had a free scroll of “unlimited power,” but all the Thayan saw was a stuck-up whore—it suited her desires just fine that he did not pay her much mind.

The drow tried to not preemptively laugh at her own joke “Then why not simply look at the words? In my experience a drop of water does not degrade letters so easily…”

“Nobody asked you, whore! Why not go tend to someone else while I try and converse with the only member of your ‘merry’ group with any modicum of intelligence.” Viconia tried to call down lightning to smite his pompous ass, her brow furrowed and furrowed as her muscles tried to make happen that which would no longer work

“I think you should try what Viconia said, Edwin. She’s the one who uses her mind to think the most out of all of us, after all. You might do well to learn from her wealth of experience…” Amyr’s tone bordered on scathing, even scalding, Edwin did not care to find out which

The cowed man tried his best not to show it, but the way his robe shook was not something that could go unnoticed; he “retired” to his room to think over what the two women had said. When he opened the Scroll again, some part of him—the part that got repressed over and over again by Edwin’s ego—drew his eyes to the splotch again. Down at the edge of the inscription, in ancient Netherese, the fuzzy words tried to play out across his mind from their watered-down sarcophagus. His lips wanted to move so badly.  _ “Why not?” _ His mouth started forming the first syllables before he could even decide…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (And what was the evil man shouting about? Boo tells me he thinks he is going to use a spell to gain “unlimited power”—which I think is silly, no one can have unlimited anything—but then Boo also says he isn’t a “he,” so who knows?)


	3. An Unplanned Rebirth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “...GO!"
> 
> -A super cool and amazing trans lady

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, wanna learn something hilarious?  
> If not, I'm telling ya anyway cus you'll LOVE this:
> 
> So I did a little cursory research on what the Nether Scrolls are after getting a comment on the previous chapter because I, like many people playing Baldur's Gate, assumed they were rare and scrolls of nebulously great power. They aren't, actually.  
> What they are is about 50 scrolls worth of Ur text on the fundamental workings of all magic. They're basically the equivalent of Pythagorus's or Archimedes's writings, only for magic. The "spells" written down in the scrolls actually carry no inherent "power" of their own, only supply the reader with "...a seemingly-limitless supply of arcane knowledge." (gotten from the Forgotten Realms Wiki, citing a sourcebook titled "Nethiril: Empire of Magic (Encyclopedia Arcana)" published in 1996, 4 years before Shadows of Amn). They provide the knowledge for the user to work magic related to that individual scroll's topic with incredible nuance. For instance, if one were to read and comprehend the chapter (10 scrolls per, by the way) on Planar Mechanics, one would be able to cast "Plane Shift" without suffering any effects from the different planes (this is, again, off the Wiki, citing a 2005 sourcebook called "Lost Empires of Faerûn")
> 
> So, in short, not only is this scroll NOT ACTUALLY A HONEST TO THE GODS NETHER SCROLL, Edwin (and everyone involved) also did not understand exactly what it is they do.  
> Also neither does probably the vast majority of the Baldur's Gate/D&D community... I sure didn't until just now, at least.  
> ...I can't tell if the writers of Baldur's Gate 2 just pranked us and the characters, hard, or if almost nobody actually understands what the heck the Nether Scrolls actually do!!!

Amyr was only concerned when Edwin did not exit his room after the horrendous _whoomph_ of arcane energy shook the entire building, it was so loud even mundane citizens would have tasted it. If it had been Aerie or Nalia or, Gods protect, Imoen, she would have blasted down the door in an instant—but this was Edwin, a useful tool, but not a necessarily _wanted_ one. She was pleasantly surprised, in fact, when it took nearly an hour for the Cowled Wizards to storm the Copper Coronet—the fact that her innate talents fell under their laws still irked her beyond even their continued imprisonment of her sister. They didn’t find the mage they were looking for, although that did not stop them from mindscanning everyone they could find, including Amyr and her friends.

Everyone, including the Wizards, missed the rather busty woman in ill-fitting red robes muttering to herself on the second floor. Only one of the Wizards gave her any thought, and that was only to ogle as her seductive robes slipped from her slim shoulders, revealing the bare breast beneath. While her superior carted the poor mage away, Edwin was busy trying to keep his now too-small clothes from pooling at his feet. He knew how he looked, how could he not? He had been speaking to his reflection when the changes occurred! 

“(It must have been a slip of the tongue, it must have been!)” The comely maid lisped through her teeth, “(The spell was for infinite power, not for, for…. THIS! It is unthinkable that I, Edwin Odesseiron, could have made such a fatal flaw! Curses upon that fool Amyr for insisting I take that wench’s advice…)” 

As his nipple once again peeked out from behind its silk curtain, the manic wizard hit his forehead with his other hand and nearly shouted “Duh!” much to the hall’s amusement, their newest unknown guest certainly had a flare for the dramatic. Edwin found his “hired hand” right where he left her, munching on a biscuit and covertly holding a cloaked figure’s trembling, ashen hand. He opened his beardless lips and stopped when he heard his voice for the first time

“Excuse me-!” He hoped the woman hadn’t heard him...

“Yes?” She had.

“I-uh…” Edwin’s mind raced, he needed to figure out something, fast. “(Get a hold of yourself, Edwin, this deception should be easy for one of your skills…)”

Amyr looked the oddly familiar woman up and down, from her prodigious chest to her ample hips and slender neck. She was bald which, while a little unusual, did seem to accentuate her soft features better than it would most people. Her clothes were too large, meant for the broad shoulders of a man—and one with no curves to speak of either—they were also ones she remembered seeing recently. _“But where…?”_ She met the strange woman’s black eyes and red, furrowed brows “Can I help you?”

“I-yes, yes you can. My name is… Yes, my name is-”

“You still reek of Edwin, you know this, yes? His man-stink is heady enough to be smelt over my human swill.” Viconia’s haughty nose turned up and away from the increasingly half-naked woman and searched for a place to rest without injury adding to the insult

“That’s it!” The milky chocolate bard’s eyes lit up even as her voice lowered, “Edwin! What are you doing here? And like that? We all felt the explosion, but how did you manage to escape?” She was more interested in his response than his health, but Edwin didn’t need to know that

Edwin’s face lit up “It is all this-this-this, _this!_ I have been unmanned! I know not what happened, but somehow the spell transformed me into this-this… repugnant form!” Amyr’s face visibly fell at that

“Oh. So how can I help you Edwin?”

“You must know of some healer, some miracle worker who can undo this, like that puny elf woman you travel with, what was her name? (Oh I am so close!) I swear I shall be in your debt if you can help me!”

“She’s not gonna be able to help you, hun.” Her manner of speech had shifted considerably from their earlier interactions, as if she were more receptive to his pleas and equally amused at them. “I took a look at your 'Scroll' when you were busy yelling about it and… well…”

“Yes? Yes?! Tell me this instant!” The mage nearly wailed for all to hear

Her eyes lit up, “Well… unless you have a favor with Elminster himself, you won’t be able to undo this… The spell’s meant to be permanent, because that’s what it’s for.”

“What do you mean “that’s what it’s for’?!?” Edwin howled, “Make sense you fool!” Even changed so, his trademark lilt still took the forefront of his speech, although now rather low for his new sex, instead of high. Obviously, the Red Wizard, no matter how learned he was, had not gotten out into the world enough if Amyr knew something he didn’t. The now not-so-short human got up off her stool to fully face the even redder wizard—the transformation had shrunk poor Edwin as well, a fact that he was still too in shock to assess yet. She laid a hand on his slender shoulder and the mage tried to fling her off, but the Bhaalspawn’s grip was harder than she usually let on.

“I’m happy to tell you this Edwin, but the spell wasn’t one about ‘unlimited power.’ I think you said it’s based off of a _Polymorph_ spell, right? I don’t know much Netherese, but if I’m correct—and I know I am—then this was a spell for ‘unlimited happiness,’ specifically for those who felt trapped in their own skin. You remember Mizhena, right? This is meant for people like her.”

Edwin blinked. “What, you mean some dullard priest with no purpose in life besides bashing their heads against something?” His eyes spoke of unfathomable terror at that

The angry bard slapped the bald wizard in the back of the skull, sending him sprawling onto the table behind her. She had just found a new low of stupidity and inwardly prayed to the Gods that this… _this,_ would be the lowest she could ever find.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Another evildoer! And why is she talking to Amyr?! Do the Gods know no bounds to the pain I must endure?! Were we in Rasheman I would have split her throat open to dry! But, Boo continues to remind me that we are in ‘civilized’ lands, and throat-splitting is considered a crime here, even when it’s a Red Wizard… who knew?)
> 
> Author's Note: Ok, ok, I know that, maybe, still referring to Edwin by "male" pronouns while they are "female" may or may not be a bit insensitive, but hear me out: At this point, Edwin still thinks of himself as "he," despite the physical changes. Since this is from Edwin(a)'s perspective, I'm using the pronouns they refer to themselves as within the moment.  
> Even if I'm rarely a fan of the kind of genderbending Shadows of Amn did, it can still be bloody funny if taken in a more respectful direction...
> 
> Future Izzi Note: I just realized... Nether Scroll, "Nether" Spell... "Sex Change" Spell...  
> Clever game, very clever...


	4. An Unplanned Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s hard to change if you don’t know what needs changing...”
> 
> -Totally not me, totally not to my mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aerie is the party counselor, prove me wrong.

“I… but…”

The voluptuous woman sat, worrying her rosy pink lips with the skill of a professional circuit worrier. Her red robes—possibly the most obvious thing about her—were frayed at the edges, mud and grime cleaned off as best as could be done, and the hem had been taken up recently, the stitching different from the old, ornate gilding of the rest of the robe. To a casual observer, she would look like any of the nobility that graced the Copper Coronet—kicked out and down on their luck, not a penny left to spare except for drink. If one knew what to look for, where to find the right signs, they would know that this woman wasn’t a noble, but a wizard… 

She wasn’t just  _ any _ wizard either, Edwin kept insisting, come hell or high water, that ‘he’ was the greatest mage ever produced by the Red Wizards of Thay—it was not a commonly held opinion. Regardless, the being known to themself as “Edwin” was having quite a bit of trouble. They were in the back, propped in a secluded corner away from all prying eyes except Bernard, the Inkeep; not unusual, but their choice in company was. Edwin, for once in his life, was sat across from someone who he hadn’t cajoled, bribed, tricked, badgered or coerced into sitting there. Aerie was just that kind of person.

“So…” The tender elf prodded

“I… I do not know! It is  _ maddening! _ (I do not know why I am even talking to you, why I’m talking to anyone about this!)”

“Mmmm, well…” Aerie looked bashful for but a moment. “I’ll admit, I find it rather cathartic to talk through my issues with someone else… Amyr’s always been very open and kind with me.”

“Bah! That woman, all she cares about is herself and her whore…” Edwins face took on a stormy, if cute, pout

“But-but Viconia’s not a whore! She isn’t even paid! She’s with Amyr because she really loves her, and Amyr loves her back.” The pout is returned, tit for tat.

“Hah, not that you would understand. You are but a naive child, seeing only the best in the world… (it makes me sick.)”

“If I’m a naive child, why are you still talking to me then?” Aerie, sharp-tongued as ever, quipped back. Edwin was at a loss. He stared, eyes nearly going sightless with the intensity, at a point mere inches above the elf’s left shoulder, like that space was an affront to nature and goodness—ok,  _ evil _ ness. However it didn’t take long before the busty mage began to speak again.

“I… do not know what I am feeling. It is… it is as if, for the first time in my life, a weight I had never realized was on me has been lifted (By the Gods, that was so sappy as to be a desert, you fool…)”

“Hmmm…” Aerie seemed to give Edwin’s comment some thought. “I… I think I understand what you mean, although from… from a different angle.” Her lungs pulled a great, forlorn breath in. “Perhaps… perhaps it’s because you are finding that you like your new body more than your old one…”

Instead of the tirade she might have, naturally, expected, Edwin only scoffed, “Bah, that cannot be it. Just look at me! With my flabby little arms and my paunchy tummy and these breasts… I mean, what kind of woman would want breasts  _ this big! _ (It is frankly a crime.)”

Aerie blushed all the way to the tips of her ears, but didn’t hesitate either “Beeecause they’re attractive?”

Edwin turned a shade of red that would make his former Order jealous. He stuttered, looking for all the world unsure—the truth was far more complicated, his brain had shut down. The compliment, regardless of whether the wingless Avariel meant it seriously or not, rang a cathedral of bells inside Edwin’s core, it felt  _ rapturous.  _ Never before had they felt so… so… Edwin almost openly admitted something to themselves, something that had been buried too deep until recently. The pressure of The Truth weighed heavier and heavier upon their mind, pushed harder against their tongue.

“I-ah-wuh-oh-um…” Edwin continued sputtering for a good while, long enough for Aerie to finish her drink while she stared. “It is not-oh, I cannot even… but, I… what even…?” Aerie fixed Edwin with a warm, caring smile

“It’s at least something to think about, I think. Take a bit of time to yourself, question what you know, maybe? If you ever want to talk, you know where to find me, I won’t judge.”

And with that, the young woman stood and left the secluded table, Edwin still sputtering as their eyes began crossing inwards. “Oh-I… Alright…” Their voice, usually so brash, was the smallest, most timid it had ever been. It sounded good in Edwin’s ears… 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Oh, but where could my wych have gone?! I left her for only a minute, only a minute! I even asked Boo, but all he says is “she’s helping someone with a serious problem” which I understand, but the least she could do is bring me along. I’ve veeeery good at solving serious problems with my boot!)


	5. An Unplanned Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know that moment? It’s like that, only better...”  
> -someone explaining this moment in their life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, I kind of went back and forth on this one and how it would play out. Out of all the chapters, I feel like this one is definitely my weakest. If anyone has a suggestion for alternate chapters (or even just additional chapter ideas) I would love to hear them in the comments…

It was quiet, almost... too quiet. The biostrous bard and her chosen few companions had been gone for over a tenday now, Edwin chewed his nails incessantly until they were jagged stumps by the third day. It was not as if the Red Wizard _didn’t_ have a safe haven, their room in the Copper Coronet was paid up through the month by Amyr as an insurance, should things go pear-shaped out at Spellhold—Edwin shivered just _thinking_ about that horrid place—but ever since they left he’d felt… hunted.

“(Oh, keep it together, Edwin you ninnyhammer, it is not as if those buffoons will not return… But what if they do not…? What if they are caught and imprisoned and-and tortured until they give up my location, or-or-or worse! Let the rest of the Order know I am here! Ohhh Edwin...)”

Just before Amyr and company had left, they had been approached by an incredibly suspicious man dressed in a thick brown coat that poorly hid the garish red robes beneath it. Amyr had, logically, assumed the worst and went to confront Edwin about it and the stranger’s claims. The details, what little of them Edwin even remembered, came out quickly and without fuss—more or less the minute she’d mentioned “Red Wizard-looking fellow” he’d spiraled into a full on, heart-stopping panic attack. Edwin needed to breathe, he recalled, as his heart felt like it was running at a mile a minute and his thoughts spiraled down, down, _down_ into the blackest pit. That naive elfling told him he needed to “ _breathe, breathe with me.”_ He needed to breathe…

When the tavern hall stopped spinning, Edwin found the strength in him to let go of the banister they’d gripped for dear life, at least the wood didn’t look noticably scorched or cracked. For once, Edwin was rather glad the greedy bounty hunter—Yoshimi or something...—wasn’t staying with him in Athkatla, Gods knew how much would buy his secrets, and it was pitances. He had been a useful tool, the job he pulled raiding the Harper Headquarters in search of books on breaking obscure curses had been _masterful_ , but a useful tool only worked so long until it broke. Edwin shuddered as he remembered the greedy shine in the man’s eyes as he “negotiated” price, praying to the gods he had not sold them out before departing.

It was... odd, Edwin concluded, that so little time had passed—relatively speaking—and yet it felt like, sometimes, they’d been in this body forever, like it wasn’t even a second skin, but his only skin. It was so… so…

“(‘Queer’ does not even _begin_ to describe these sensations! I feel ashamed, disgusted, and yet, at the same time…)” The mumbling woman paused, tapping her finger idly on her chin. “(I cannot deny, it feels… 'good,' in a way that had never felt good before, now that I come to think of it. Perhaps that Aerie was right… Perhaps…)”

That old part of Edwin, the part that bit down and tightened ranks since they were small, grabbed the reins

“(No, no! Edwin, you fool, you mustn't think such things! It is impossible, inconceivable, that I could have felt… No, there must have been some-some fiendish contraption in the Scroll, yes, some facet that idiotic wench overlooked that changed my thoughts in addition…)” Peculiarly, those thoughts didn’t sound right to Edwin’s ears anymore…

...Such ruminations, however, got cut off but a low, wolfish whistle by his right ear, Edwin nearly jumped out of their natty socks. “Why hellooo there!” A human man, maybe in his early thirties, with salt and pepper stains already spreading from his beard and the kind of skin that speaks of hard work and little luxury. He was a regular—not that Edwin _cared_ , or even noticed, literally everyone they didn’t know already within the tavern—and by the slight cant of his speech, had already been there for a while that night.

“I’ve… seen you around” the man went on as he leaned against the bannister, just below Edwin “didn’t realize such a purdy lass like you’d ever find a-a pit like this, although I’m _real_ glad you did…” His grin looked halfway to plastered, the slight sheen to his skin speaking of hearty pulls from a _deep_ flagon, the kind that Edwin felt like he really needed right about now.

“And what, pray tell, are you implying? (What is this _simian_ doing addressing me?! Get it away!)”

“Ooooooh…” the man beamed “Just tha you’re the purddiest girl I’ve… _ever_ seen. Hehe… You’ve got th’body to rival the Queen of Calimshan herself! if ya know what I mean…” The man’s deep, throaty laughter grated on Edwin’s nerves perhaps a bit _too_ much

“No, I…” Edwin was going to say something, to rebuke the foolish monkey for even daring to speak in their presence, but something about the drunk man’s words clicked, just a little, in their brain—that bit was “prettiest.” It felt like it rang a dozen tiny wedding bells inside Edwin’s mind, all they could do was stare, wide-eyed, as the flirtatious drunk carried on. “Now, I was wondering… if’n ya got a name to match that body of yours…”

“I-ah…” Edwin’s brain was still reviving, “ah… Edwin...a. Yes, Edwina (What in all the hells, Edwin! What kind of mockery is this?! He better not be messing with me, if so, then ooooooooh…) Edwina is my name, yes.”

“Wow, isn’t tha’ a bit… masculine, fr’such a _gorgeous_ lady like yurself?” If he had been more sober, the man might have thought before he spoke. It didn't even take a thought for Edwin to start

“HOW _DARE_ YOU!” Edwin screeched. “What do you take me for, some harlot who can be swayed by a pretty word and a bit of coin?! I am a lady of distinction, thank you very much! Now leave my sight before I find a reason to _make_ you leave it (Does the idiocy of men-folk know no bounds?! I cannot even _believe_ such thoughts entered this... this... _primitive's_ brain!)...”

The man, taken quite aback at the sudden shift, reeled and nearly fell off the staircase entirely. He had not expected—although he maybe should have—such a response. With muffled groans of “Sheesh!” and “Was just complimenting ya…” the nameless man shuffled back down the stairs to his mates, waiting expectantly at their table. It took a little while, but as Edwin began to simmer down, their brows knotted and furrowed

“...Wait, why in the world did I say _that_ …?”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (By the Gods! Boo and I have never been so surrounded by such concentrations of evil before, that I cannot kick its butt is maddening! What is worse, what is worse is that now I look like them! I know it is magic, and my wych says we must be sneaky, but still… ehhhhh...)  
> Note: For reference, there is no such thing as a "Queen of Calimshan," it is a bureaucracy, rather than a monarchy...
> 
> Author's Note: Holy gosh! The penultimate chapter! I honestly didn't expect to actually get this work finished anytime within the next few months! College work is kicking my butt in a major way and I'm not really known for consistently producing work in a regular time frame... I'd figured this would sit with it's last string missing for AT LEAST a month! This feels sooooo surreal for me right now...


	6. An Unplanned Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> … … …

“Edwina” was in their usual spot, with their usual drink, when it happened. They were just taking a sip of their ale when the richly dressed man, decked all in red silk embroidered with real gold, struck the butt of his equally ornate staff on the flagons just shy of Edwin’s table. The busy mage almost jumped full out of their seat, face paler than milk with sweat preparing to pour torrents down their brow. Their day had suddenly taken the biggest nosedive into “horrible” in recorded history.

“Greetings… Edwin.” The man's scraggly grey beard poked out at them through the hood, as if accusing Edwin of something. “The guise of a woman reeks of shabby, amateur glamours, you disgust me with such paltry parlor tricks. The fix is in, _worm_ , your time here is done…”

“I-what?!” was all Edwin could get out before the taller, older man snapped his fingers, triggering a pre-prepared _Hold Person_ spell… 

Edwin’s world spun, everything had become an unmitigated _hell_ and there was nothing they could do to stop it. 

“You know,” he mused, “had I been a younger man I might have fallen for your… feckless disguise, but age and wisdom have well tempered me against the distractions of the Flesh. A shame really, you look so good as a woman…” Edwin’s face glowed despite the circumstances. “But, well, debts must be paid after all. It is not like a sniveling _worm_ like you would understand, writhing in your filth as you are, but a _real_ Red Wizard would at least know when to pay up! Now,” Degarden, the Red Wizard Amyr had warned Edwin about, grabbed their pretty chin as he sneered “time to see what you _really_ look like.”

The older Red Wizard pulled back, rapped his staff upon the floor once more, and began chanting something, a spell—Edwin recognized the base faintly as a _Dispel Magic_ spell, albeit modified beyond their ken. As Degarden finished chanting his incantation, the worst kind of feeling spread through Edwin’s trapped skin. It hurt, but that was the least of their worries. Edwin felt things… changing, insides shifting and morphing, outsides burning up and peeling away, magic unravelling—they couldn’t even move their eyes to confirm what was happening.

_“No… this cannot be…”_

Weight began to shift, hair forcing their way out of places they had not been before, bones cracked and reformed. Edwin’s mind was in full-on panic attack, nothing else could go through it, their whole world was spinning faster, _faster_. If they could, Edwin would have thrown up. _“This isn’t happening…”_ repeated over and over again in their mind, ricocheting off each other until everything was just white noise. The familiar, warm weight left their chest…

Edwin… changed.

Gone now was the busty maid, gone were the smooth face and smooth thighs, the tender dip around the hip. Shoulders widened and the Adam's apple reasserted its prominence. The cute, round face lost all its charm and allure. Gone was “Edwina,” the woman, and in her place sat Edwin, the "man," suddenly far more confined in robes that fit them—accentuated them, even—perfectly mere moments before. Suddenly, like never before, the world felt like it wasn’t _right_ anymore on a base, fundamental level. “No…” The raspy, manly voice felt so off to their ears, now…

“Now that we have taken care of that,” Degarden crooned, “I think it’s time to begin administering your punishment, wouldn’t you say, Edwin…?”

Sadly—at least for Degarden—he had failed to notice a key detail, a fatal one. Edwin moved, faster than lightning in a storm, and took their hand and _squeezed_ it around the bastard’s neck. Nothing but vengeful grief was left now. “Rrrraaagh!” Edwin burst out, picking up their assailant bodily and slamming them, hard, into the stone floor, his staff skittering away from his hands. Their grip only tightened.

There was no room for words, only hate. Edwin took blow after blow at Degarden’s face, punch after bloody punch trying to beat his face beyond all recognition, beyond all use. The Red Wizard was too stunned to react, too breathless to utter spells or move limbs to stop the rampaging assault. Edwin didn’t care.

Punch, punch, puch, _crunch_. Someone’s blood seeped into scrapes and cracks along their knuckles. Fabric ripped and tore. Flakes of skin stuck together, impossible to tell whose, the world lurched. Too much to handle, too many emotions to process, the only thing left was _hate._ It didn’t feel good to bash the bastard’s face into a pulp.

Over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, _one two rinse repeat ‘till there’s nothing left, not even bones…_ They could feel the splintering of bone, not that they could really feel anything anymore.

Blood ran through the channels in the floor, like a sacrifice at the altar of some avenging deity, as red as both their robes. Degarden stopped struggling.

It was done. No going back, now. It was done and all they did was cry, scream

“You BASTARD! You Gods-damned, filthy, piggish, feckless, spineless piece of misbegotten _man-flesh!_ ” Tears flooded their face. “I wish-I wish… I wish!” Edwina sobbed, uncontrollably, for what felt like an eternity. “ _Whh-yyyyy…_ ” It all came out as a bloodcurdling wail that pierced the din, “ _Whh… whhyyyy did you h-have t-t-to d-doo thaaaaaaaat! I wa-as_ SO _ha-appppy!!! I-I-I_ ”Her eyes lit up in divine revelation, wider and deeper than the harvest moon, “ _I w-was fina-ally m-m-m-m-meeeeeeeeeee!!!_ ”

Edwina sobbed, robes in ill-fitting tatters, atop the corpse of her ruination, its ichor of life puddled underneath and spread like morbid arcane writings across the floor, as for the first time in her life she knew _who_ she was, _what_ she was, _why_ she was. _It hurt so much…_

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (... Boo… Boo tells me I should not say anything… I… I think I agree…)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed "The Tale of Edwin, the Great and All-Powerful Archmage! Or, a Story about Loving One's Self" I sure had a lot of fun writing it!  
> I may end up adding onto this work in the future, when I move on to cover Throne of Bhaal, or I may end up deciding to incorporate Edwina's second act into the main fic. It'll be a while off, so I'd love suggestions!
> 
> I would love comments, feedback and maybe even requests? I'd like to try some requests!
> 
> Your Author  
> -Izzi


End file.
